Today is Bob’s birthday (May 4) – his “in” date to this physical existence on the earth. So instead of giving gifts, I remember his Gift, as I begin to put shape and substance to the book proposal for Epilogue. I know that poetry will be woven throughout the book. In the first chapter will be the poem, “What if” that was written in July, 2008 after his death, recognizing 36 years of togetherness. At the time, grief was raw and fresh. The membrane between us was very thin. Mystery surrounded me. The task of touching the incredible story is still daunting and presents itself again, this time with a wider perspective that comes from backing off from death and loss. So with gratitude in my heart, I remember the Gift of Mystery, Miracles and Messages, and celebrate the day. Happy Birthday, Bob!
What if…
What if you believed your relationship with your beloved dropped out of heaven?
What if you knew the very moment in time that this relationship was meant to be?
What if you could feel at that moment that all the forces in the universe were moving together in perfect harmony to make this happen?
What if all the dreams about life and relationship, about it’s incredible beauty, about the depth of two people’s souls, and the incredible joy that comes with a deep relationship was being presented to you as GIFT?
What if it all abruptly came to an end
the end that you dreaded
the end that you never – ever wanted to happen
the place you would never go to -
until you had to?
What if you never ever wanted to let go of the GIFT -
-the most precious gift that had been given to you?
What if you wanted to look at it -
one last moment
to marvel over it from afar and up close?
What if you wanted to appreciate it fully
remember it fully
and fully understand the magnificence, beauty, and miracle that was presented.
I need to do this for myself and for you, Bob.
I need to honor the relationship, to savor life that was given, it’s beauty and sacredness.
I know there is more life, more gifts.
I know there is life after death, even here.
But first of all I need to TOUCH,
the incredible story
the relationship, the essence of two becoming one,
so that you can go in peace
so I can go in peace,
so we both can move on.
There is mystery that surrounds me, now.
I can feel it, taste it and almost touch it.
Two people are braided together – spiraling in tandem
on two sides of eternity.
To touch the intricate beauty, the purpose, and the meaning of the journey,
to reflect, to begin to understand
what we each brought to this union
will be a task for all time.
But for these moments in time I need to see the JEWEL
for all the rare and magical moments,
embrace them,
weep over them,
and then finally give them over and back to the Source from whence they came.
The membrane is still thin.
It is thin where-ever I go,
Because you are near,
God is near,
Angels are near,
All our loved ones on the other side are near.
May the journey that we all share,
bring us back to whence we came.
Someday, we will find ourselves in loving arms,
we will find this awesome sense of home and belonging,
that was cultivated here.
And we will all know and embrace the union, THE GIFT,
that is beyond anything we know here.
For now we will remember, savor, and give thanks..
“For all that has been, thanks.
For all that will be, YES!”*
*from our wedding declaration: quote from Dag Hammarskjold’s Markings
Joan H. Beech
July 4, 2008
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